Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icondrippingwords: More from DrippingWords


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
January 21, 2013
File Size
236 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
235
Favourites
12 (who?)
Comments
6
Downloads
2
×
a hound of glass
frozen in time,
never able
to move forward --
to find its
place in a
world of
ash.
Day #18 of the #Glory-Be-Project

Written on January 18th, 2013

Prompt:
:bulletgreen:hounds of glass
from ~DeviBrigard
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner May 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a lovely little piece! :) Not sure what you might want me to comment on, so I'll just give my opinion on a few things. Punctuation has never been my forte but I feel like some of the punctuation you've used here is a little off - each of the three 'segments' (what else to call them? bah) of the poem is separated by a period or a semi-colon, yet none of them are complete sentences on their own, so it feels very choppy. Again, not my expertise, but I would suggest changing the first period to a comma, and the semi-colon.. I'm not sure, to be honest. A dash or a conjunction (and, but), maybe?

Other than that, I like the way you've arranged this - the words, the spacing and the tone are perfect. :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! Changed the punctuation; you're right, I like it better this way.

Again, thank you so much! :huggle::heart:
Reply
:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome! Glad to be of help :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Student Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:iconaty-s-behsam:
Aty-S-Behsam Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Professional General Artist
Wow, well done, as short as it was, it does make me feel.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much :huggle:
Reply
Add a Comment: