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Submitted on
June 4, 2013
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the crescent moons bitten into my palms
break apart the hard worn lines written
there. a fortune teller told me
it was just a matter of time before my
universe crashed in on itself
and my stars ripped themselves apart.
your gray-sky-eyes swallowed me whole
and i fell down, down, down
while your piano key fingers played
my melody one last time.
Day 153 of the #Glory-Be-Project
Written on June 2nd, 2013

Inspired by one of *intricately-ordinary remedies for those suffering from writer's block. Inspired by #4.

What is your favorite line?
What is your least favorite line?
Does the imagery work?
Overall?

EDIT:


I've got another DLD! This is the best day I've had in a long time! Thanks SO much to *imaginative-lioness for suggesting it, and to =LadyofGaerdon for featuring me! You can find the article here!
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Congrats on the DLD. It was truly deserving of it.

I like the overall imagery of this poem - it does show the nature of a moonsong. I could almost swear that I felt the moonlight in the last couplet. I like how you've indicated the metaphorical concept of inevitable doom (because I read something of the exact same nature elsewhere - how quaint and deliberating indeed). A truly well written work, and one which does make me proud to say you've done a good job :)
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jan 8, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
:iconloveluvplz:
I'm glad you think so. :heart:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:) :hug: Stay awesome.
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jan 11, 2014  Student Writer
:huggle: You too!
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:) :hug:
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:iconteaphotography:
TeaPhotography Jul 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
Wow! This is outstanding... I love it all, 
but "while your piano key fingers played
my melody one last time."
is such a creative and descriptive ending, and I think it's awesome! 
:love:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jul 30, 2013  Student Writer
Awww, thank you so much! :heart:
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:iconmomo-madness:
lovely imagery :aww:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jul 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
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:iconmomo-madness:
you're extremely welcome! :rose:
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