Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icondrippingwords: More from DrippingWords


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
September 3, 2013
File Size
1.8 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
615 (1 today)
Favourites
50 (who?)
Comments
66
Downloads
3
×
    i.

Last winter you held me
under the light of your
favorite constellation;
our entwined "I Do's"
floated up to become
diamonds
lodged in the sky.
Every morning I woke
to a warm cup of Earl Grey
and a passionate kiss
on the counter top,
hoping the marred wood
wouldn't give way beneath me.

I even let you look
over my shoulder
as I poured my soul
onto a piece of paper,
handwritten memories
tinged with sepia
and wanderlust.

    ii.

A whirlwind of postcards and
newspaper clippings.
That's what you called me.

    iii.

Our walls
were painted
with verses of
my favorite poets.
From Eliot's
wasteland
to the simple,
beautiful
lines from the
threadbare man
we met
on St Rose
bridge.

I taped his poem above
the bathroom mirror. I still remember
the way his face lit up when you
handed him that hundred dollar bill.
He thanked us with his written words.

    iv.

We never did come home
from our honeymoon, did we?
Whenever you kissed my paper cut
fingers, my spine sang with vibrato.

    v.

Your "Monday flowers"
didn't show up at work.
I knew something was wrong.
I came home to an empty house;
scattered sheets and torn pieces
of paper on the walls.
the only poem left was the one
above the mirror --

did the sight of it
fill you with despair?
Was it so strong that you
had to leave it fluttering,

there,

with your heart in the trashcan?
This is for #PoetryVSTheWorld's September Poetry Tournament: The Red Round.

Our theme was:

:bulletred:Honeymoon:bulletred:

You can find a reading of the poem at the link contained here.

How is the word choice?
Does the imagery make sense?
Are the last lines impactful?
Does it match the theme?
Overall?

Wish me luck!

[10-14-2013] Minor edits made to the piece thanks to `TwilightPoetess's critique.

#Glory-Be-Project
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:icononeknightsstand:
OneKnightsStand Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Wanderlust is one of my favorite words and the reading was wonderful thank you.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Student Writer
It's one of my favorite words too. Thank you so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013   Writer
Ohmy... the ending just brought some tears in my eyes and a heavy feel in my heart.

Outstanding. Simply outstanding. :clap:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013  Student Writer
Awww, I'm sorry. :huggle:

Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013   Writer
No need to apologize! Be proud; means you've got a great talent!

:huggle:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Student Writer
:heart: Thanks. :heart:

:glomp:
Reply
:iconyaoishadower:
yaoishadower Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013
Oh my god.this is amazing!and ending....
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'm glad you think so!
Reply
:iconabrizelle:
abrizelle Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my lord this brought tears to my eyes. The ending wasn't just impactful, it was like being hit by a bus. just the simple image of that lonely poem fluttering over the bathroom mirror was enough to knock the breath out of me. I don't have words for how outstanding this is.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Student Writer
Oh my gosh, thank you so much! :heart: It really means a lot to hear that. :huggle:
Reply
Add a Comment: