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Words by dweckie

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Submitted on
January 2, 2013
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if this is what love
feels like, kidnap me; poison
my unmarred body.
Day #1 of the #Glory-Be-Project

Written on January 1st, 2013
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:iconbloodshotink:
This is gorgeous. Despite the obvious use of personal pronouns *your* view is much more obvious in this piece. I think that even without me or my I would have been able to sense that this was your opinion about love, and not a repeating of facts.

I am not crazy about the enjambment of line two to three as it seems too organic for such a rigid form BUT if I ignore where the breaks are it is a beautiful little segment of writing.

It's simple, small, but effective and I very much like that you condensed what could have been a long description down to one word "unmarred". It is a very clever word to use that says a lot in a small syllable count, so its very clever writing.
What do you think?
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ooooh....wow. I like this.
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you :D
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:!
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Writer
:huggle:
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:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:clap:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Writer
:huggle:
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:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
Lovely. :heart:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you :huggle:
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