literature

Midnight Dance

Deviation Actions

LionesseRampant's avatar
Published:
945 Views

Literature Text

a necklace of clouds adorns the moon,
silken strands supporting its weight.
you are a streak of light tearing
through the sky, swallowing every
star you blot out. you store them
in your evanescent eyes, making
them a beacon on the darkest night.

your lips are cold
when they meet my lips,
and your skin
tastes of
copper and adventure.

the sun sits in the hollow
of your throat as you sway
to the music drifting through
sickly sweet air.

your feet are heavy on mine --
the tug of the ocean,
drowning me in your
metallic curves.

our quicksilver tango cuts
through the night, leaving a trail
of acidic pleasure and
elated misery.

i believed you were human
       but you have


g
  e
    a
  r
s


whirring
              instead of a heart.

your hum is soft,
mechanical,
as i teach you to dance

under midnight's glow.
This is the poem I was going to use for PoetryVSTheWorld's Tournament before I had to drop out due to unforeseen circumstances with my laptop.

Anyway, I thought, since I didn't get to use it for their contest, why waste it?

So I'll be using it for the Audition Round at poetry-book's Scratch That 2.0 Contest.

Does the imagery make sense?
Are there words that stick out to you as out of place?
Are there images that don't exactly fit?
Is the 'gears' stanza impactful?
Overall?

Glory-Be-Project

EDIT:

I got part of this published in an online magazine in May! Check it out: www.taktak.nu/midnightdance/
© 2013 - 2024 LionesseRampant
Comments32
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Phan5everx2's avatar
Amazing. The first line really inspired me-now I want to write a poem about the sky being a face. I already know how that would work out. thanks!