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a necklace of clouds adorns the moon,
silken strands supporting its weight.
you are a streak of light tearing
through the sky, swallowing every
star you blot out. you store them
in your evanescent eyes, making
them a beacon on the darkest night.

your lips are cold
when they meet my lips,
and your skin
tastes of
copper and adventure.

the sun sits in the hollow
of your throat as you sway
to the music drifting through
sickly sweet air.

your feet are heavy on mine --
the tug of the ocean,
drowning me in your
metallic curves.

our quicksilver tango cuts
through the night, leaving a trail
of acidic pleasure and
elated misery.

i believed you were human
       but you have


g
  e
    a
  r
s


whirring
              instead of a heart.

your hum is soft,
mechanical,
as i teach you to dance

under midnight's glow.
This is the poem I was going to use for #PoetryVSTheWorld's Tournament before I had to drop out due to unforeseen circumstances with my laptop.

Anyway, I thought, since I didn't get to use it for their contest, why waste it?

So I'll be using it for the Audition Round at %poetry-book's Scratch That 2.0 Contest.

Does the imagery make sense?
Are there words that stick out to you as out of place?
Are there images that don't exactly fit?
Is the 'gears' stanza impactful?
Overall?

#Glory-Be-Project
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:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing. The first line really inspired me-now I want to write a poem about the sky being a face. I already know how that would work out. thanks!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Student Writer
Haha, you're welcome.
And thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013   Writer
"a necklace of clouds adorns the moon,"

That first line alone already told me I was going to love it.
And I was right - super gorgeous piece, doll :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Student Writer
Awww, thank you so much, lovely! :heart:
I'm so glad you think so!
Reply
:iconsleyf:
Sleyf Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hi! :wave:
Congratulations! This piece has been featured in our Weekly Round-up

Thanks for writing it and choosing to submit it to us! :heart:
From the Admin Team
:iconwritersink:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconsleyf:
Sleyf Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconyaoishadower:
yaoishadower Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013
Beautiful!!i loved it!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
-The imagery not only makes sense, but it's beautiful.
-Nothing struck me as out of place here.
-I thought the imagery was perfect!
-The gears stanza is impactful, but honestly, I feel like it would have been just as impactful without the extra formatting. That being said, yes, definitely impactful.
-Overall? :+fav:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :heart: :huggle:
Reply
:iconaj-dion:
AJ-Dion Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Fantastic work. 
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconchewyraezen:
chewyraezen Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Great write!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconaerode:
Aerode Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
How I wish this had been in the Tourney. I think you could've made it to the Finals. :noes: It's such a beautiful piece.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
Awww, thank you so much. :heart: I'm glad you think so. :huggle:
Reply
:iconaerode:
Aerode Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Anytime. :)
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
There's some gorgeous imagery here. :) I love the lines:

your skin 
tastes of
copper and adventure.
:heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
:heart: Thank you so much.

That seems to be a favorite. Haha.
Reply
:iconabrizelle:
abrizelle Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
my favorite line in this is "and your skin tastes of copper and adventure". This is wonderful.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
:heart: Thank you very much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
I am in love with the second stanza. Really great imagery. :D This is the kind of poem that leaves a taste in your mouth.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
:heart: Thank you very much. I'm glad you think so.
Reply
:iconsummonaconjurer:
Summonaconjurer Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013
the imagery is great, i got most of it... while obviously this a piece written from very close to the heart. something you maybe don't share with too many people? :P

but the line 'our quicksilver tango cuts...' really stuck out to me. the imagery of that combined with the sea and the night was amazing. 
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
Well, I'm not sure what you mean by that....

Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconthecheshercat:
TheChesherCat Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the different, um, "flavors" of metal in this, if you know what I mean. Each has a different set of connotations but together they evoke a sense of delicate machinery. I really like this :)
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
Aww, thanks. That's one of my favorite parts about it too, so I'm glad you like it. :heart:
Reply
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