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Submitted on
July 2
Submitted with Writer


17 (who?)
I barely have a chance to hang up my coat before a rushed ER doctor hands me a patient file to input in the computer. Opening the folder, I skip to the page detailing the patient's injuries. Car crash: multiple hemorrhages, broken ribs, cracked skull, possible brain trauma. Shuddering, I pull out the drivers license and my heart jumps into my throat. Marcia Jones, 5'9", blue eyes, organ donor. My sister.

Glancing at her room number, I pocket her license and dash down the hall to the elevator, pounding on the UP button until the doors slide open and then close behind me. The sound of my tapping foot echoes off the elevator walls and drowns out the Muzak. It seems like an eternity before the doors ding open again. I squeeze through their small gap before they can open fully and weave my way through the people walking down the corridor.

Her room door is ajar, but the lights are off. I cautiously push it open and take a moment to let my eyes adjust to the darkness. When they do, I gasp and take a step back. My sister doesn't look like my sister anymore. Her face is swollen and covered with dark bruises. A bandage encircles her head, and a pacemaker keeps her heart beating while life support pumps oxygen into her system. I collapse into a chair with the urge to puke. She looks like the kid who got his face beat in by a baseball bat last week. It feels like the floor gave way beneath me, and it's not until I hear screams from outside that I realize the ground actually is moving. Earthquake.

I drag myself to the doorway and hold on for dear life. The lights flicker as the minutes drag on, the floor rolling beneath us. Finally the tremors lessen. Shakily standing, I can already hear the wailing sirens as ambulances leave the hospital. I rush back to Marcia's side, checking all the machines hooked up to her. The PA system buzzes on as the backup generator kicks in.

click "All nurses and doctors report to the Emergency Room. Repeat, all nurses and doctors please report to the Emergency Room." click

Reluctantly I pull away from the bed, checking to see if her license is still in my pocket, and climb down two flights of stairs to the ER. Already it's clogged with new patients demanding to be checked in. Nurses scramble around, jotting down names and injuries on dusty clipboards. I grab one and start making rounds. The list of injuries borders on the horrific; a man with a possible concussion, a woman who dug her son out of rubble, a little girl with a broken arm in two places. I treat anyone who is spurting large amounts of blood, and direct the ones with more serious injuries to examination rooms.

"Please, will anyone help my son?"

"Hey, I need help over here!"

"Dammit, someone needs to help me NOW!"

Each new claim raises the level of sound until it's deafening. Nearing the third hour of darkness, I exchange another full paper for a new one when I hear a doctor say, "Yeah, I heard they've started taking patients off life support because it's costing too much energy." I stop in my tracks. Could Marcia have been one of those patients?

Dropping my clipboard on the desk I sneak out of the ER and race up the stairs to her room. There are two nurses in there, rifling through stacks of papers. The male nurse looks up when I walk in.

"Hey, do you happen to know where this patient's drivers license is? We've been taking organ donors off life support because of the increased demand for organs."

My hand drops to my pocket as I shake my head.

"Ah, well. It won't be much longer before we have to take them all off anyway. The generators are running out of juice and we haven't been able to contact City Hall for more gas to power them." Both nurses slide past me to the door. I stand still, shocked. Staring at Marcia's prone form, I finger her license and wonder whether I should have given it to them. What if someone needed her heart, or her liver? I just signed their death certificate.

I slump into the seat next to her bed, head in my hands. They're gonna take her off anyway before the generators give out. I'm fighting for a lost cause. Deciding to stay with Marcia until they come back, I reach forward and take her hand.

Thirty minutes later, I hear footsteps come into the room, but I don't take my attention off her.

"Miss?" a voice questions. "Are you family?"

I nod.

"We're sorry, but we have to take the patient off life support. The generators are going to fail soon, and we need the last bits of power to go toward different tasks."

I nod again, letting go of Marcia's hand and stepping away from the bed. Making her way to the machines, the nurse methodically turns them off one by one. The monitor beeps one last time before flat-lining. I grab the nurses arm before she leaves, taking the license out of my pocket.

"Here," I say, handing it to her. "She's an organ donor."

The nurse nods and makes a note on the clip board before leaving the room. In a daze, I walk back down to the ER to continue working. Twenty minutes later, the PA system comes back on.

click "Good news; the city has been working non-stop, and will be able to turn our original source of power on in ten minutes. Thank you for your perseverance." click
FFM Day 2
Based on the prompt: "Everything digital suddenly stops" - CassidyPeterson

Word Count: 965

I would like to thank raspil and PinkyMcCoversong who helped me with this, especially Emily who put up with my constant questioning and bad writing. Anyway, I didn't get to do yesterday's piece because I didn't have access to any computers, but I'm positive I'm going to do every single day after this, even if it kills me.

:iconglory-be-project: Day i hope this isn't too sad. oh well.
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OfOneSoul Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, sweetheart! :wave:

I like to start my critiques with my overall impression of the piece, the "good points", if you will. :eyes:

This piece moves me! :tears: I can't explain how you did it, but from start to finish you had me hooked and ready to cry whatever happened to these two characters. In a short amount of words and time you were able to make me connect with the narrator so that I cared about her happiness and her continued happiness. Thank you for sharing this piece! It's so beautiful and lovely... I simply can't say enough.

Now for the dirty nit-picks. :iconstaredanceplz:

Just so you know, sweetheart - it's very difficult to find anything constructive to say about this piece. It's already so perfect - anything I say will literally be because I DUG for it. :no:

:bulletred: Honestly, the only thing I can think to suggest is changing some sentence structures. There are a couple of sentences that are a little difficult to read and sort of make me "miss a beat" while reading the prose. For example:

"- I hear footsteps come into the room, but I don't take my attention off her."

"- but I don't take my attention off her..." just reads funny to me. I don't know why. Maybe something like, "- but I don't stop watching her..." or, "- I hear footsteps come into the room but I didn't take my attention off her." These are just suggestions, my love... and ones I dug for because you're piece is already so perfect. :shakefist:

:heart: OfOneSoul
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014  Student Writer
Hey love! Sorry it's taken me forever to reply.


Oh, jeez, that means a TON coming from a prose master like yourself. :heart: I can't say thank you enough.

Man, thanks! I will go and look over those sentences and see if I can fix them.

Awww. :blush:

Thank you so much for everything.
OfOneSoul Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome, sweetheart! :huggle:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Student Writer
neurotype Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Worst hospital ever. O:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Student Writer
Indeed! :P
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
God, my eyes hurt with tears. :'( It's good, though.
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Student Writer
Aww, I'm sorry! :heart: Thanks for reading.
Twin-Earth Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How heart breaking! This story should fall under the definition of cruel irony in the dictionary. Bravo! You had me on the edge of my seat! One question though, what is Muzak? I was just wondering because it was the only part that made me come to a screeching halt during the reading to wonder if this was supposed to be something I should recognize or find comical. Everything else flowed naturally and really left me moved.
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Student Writer
I think it's a specific kind of music for elevators. Every single author that has used elevators in their novels has called the music Muzak so I just used it because of that, haha.

Thank you! I'm glad you like it. :heart:
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